bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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