I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
