I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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