she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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