is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
