A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
