just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
