defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
