So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
