is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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