Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
