And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
