I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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