I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
