I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
