you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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