Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
