That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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