Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
