I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
