when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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