ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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