I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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