I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
