first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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