I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
