It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
