i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
