I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
