she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
