Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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