Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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