just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we're making bets on your personal life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
