I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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