Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
