i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
