I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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