He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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