Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
