I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
