The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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