i think i have two assholes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
