nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
