Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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