No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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