imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
