your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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