i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
