My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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