oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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