dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
