Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
